there's no way i can remember it all. it may not be the best stuff he's said but its something.

"swords are bad. except when you're going to kill somebody then they're good."

he really really wants to name the baby marsha.

(embarrassing) we were playing lil piggies and after the 5th one he said "why is home my privacy?" "no no sweetie home is under your neck!!! let's not play that anymore." we had company over.

i was looking at his preschool drawings and having him explain them to me. he drew a picture of him and a snowman shooting guns at a volcano. There was one picture he didn't color and when i asked him why he said it was because she's a girl.

sam is so cute now. he doesn't say the funny or bizarre things that jackson says but amazingly, just about every time he talks we all crack up.

last saturday we were playing in our bedroom trying to convince daddy to get up. all sam said was "jackson i want bear" which was really more like "akon i wan brrr" but we all laughed for 5 minutes and repeated it all day. i love how he calls blanket leelee or gleeglee. he loves trains and always calls them choochoo. i feel thomas making a stronger showing this time around. as I was pulling out baby clothes a friend gave me he told me with every new piece "cute." jackson does the same but with a really overly exaggerated voice "oh that is so cuuuuute. she will loooove that."

my boys are AWESOME!

he is passionate

so today jackson bargained with me that if he ate all of his sandwich we would turn our house into a restaurant. i told him today was a perfect day because we were having the missionaries over for dinner tonight. i asked him how we could make it a restaurant and he told me he really wanted to make menus and give them their food.

we named our restaurant "jackson's restaurant" because that's what he wanted. We decided he could draw a picture of all of the food i was making for dinner (after getting very upset that he couldn't make a menu of all of the foods he liked then i would just have to make whatever the missionaries ordered.) He drew a picture of meatloaf, salad, potatoes, and cake.

When I started making the salad a few minutes before they were scheduled to arrive I realized that i had accidentally bought cabbage instead of lettuce. I thought i'd improvise and cut up some oranges and cucumber to have on the side. When jackson saw me cutting up the oranges he asked why i didn't tell him that so he could put it on the menu. i told him my predicament and he was very upset about his menu having salad when we didn't have it. i told him that the cucumbers are green so it looks the same but then he pointed out that they would wonder what the red (tomatoes) was on top of the green. i told him if he wanted he could just cross out the salad and add the new items. we worked on it together and i thought it was settled but he could not get over the black scribble on his menu. he was crying that his menu had black on it and the missionaries wouldn't know why it was there. i sent him to his room to calm down and he threw his menus (i picture him doing this in a very exasperated fashion) then ran back to his room and slammed the door. he was upstairs at least 5 minutes before the missionaries arrived. When they got here he wouldn't come downstairs. i went up and explained that menus have black marks on them when the chef has to change it. he asked "do they have black marks when they accidentally draw the wrong food?"

"yes dear"

he came downstairs as happy and cute as ever. he gave them their menus. he carried their food. (he dropped some oranges but mom ate those) and was very happy with the opening night of jacksons restaurant.

in moments like those where i get exasperated thinking that i'm doing this great nice thing for my kids and they lose their temper but when it ends well i'm so incredibly thankful for hopefully a happy dinner memory we've created. i hope the positive sticks and not the negative.

jackson is reading

i'm so surprised he sat down and read this so calmly. i was a bit nervous when we started filming because the first 2 times he read this i had to keep telling him to sit still and to put the toys down. i didn't want to sound mean on video! i dont know if its the fact that we were making a video (which he is constantly wanting to make of himself) or if it was because it was for grandma jan but he was so calm and serious. way to go jackson!

jackson said "you told me to put on my jammies so i put on all my jammies!" he was wearing 7 pajama pants and 3 pajama shirts. it was hilarious. i was so sad brent had him take it all off before the picture. he was super thick.

also, today brent told me that a new study came out that kids under the age of 2 shouldn't watch tv. he said people think baby einstein is fine but its not and you should limit the amount of background tv they see. i told him i had heard that just yesterday.....from jackson. jackson told me that "we let sam watch tv even though he's under 2. but when he's 2 then he won't be under 2 and he can watch tv." when i asked him where he heard that he said he heard it on the news. "brian williams said that." so, i guess you can say jackson is more up on current events than i am!

doctrinal question

Jackson asked me today if Jesus pooped.

I don't know.

On Monday I took the boys in for well check ups and I just thought I would document that here to remember. Jackson weighed 39.8 lbs which is the 50th percentile and he was 41.25 inches tall which is the 48th percentile. His eyes were 20/40 which they said was normal for his age. We had to fill out a paper with what he can and and can't do and he could do everything on the paper which went up to 5 yrs and some months. Really, he made me so happy. He was so cheerful the whole time. He's very talkative and social. He is the child that will say something loud and a little offthat makes all the adults in the room laugh. When I told the nurse I wanted to have the Dr. look at a cut he's had on his mouth for a long time that we couldn't explain he said in a very loud whisper "Can I take off my sock and show her the owie on my foot?" So he did and then told the nurse "I have these cuts on my foot and I don't know where they come from. It's a mystery." He had to get two shots which he was scared of but did. He would try to scoot away but nothing like holding him down to do it. I cried to watch him try to be strong. Way to go supportive mom.

Sam weighed 23 lbs 6 oz which is the 12th percentile. He is 32 inches tall which is 25th percentile. Both of my kids have started big then gotten smaller percentile wise. After having jacksons numbers though I not really concerned about them being too small forever. Who knows?? Sam was so giggly through the whole Dr.'s office procedure. He had no problem sharing my attention but didn't shy away from the nurses either. He would laugh and dance and try to do whatever Jackson did (including jumping off the examining table.) Jackson I don't think ever would have crawled up to that table at Sam's age but Sam is much more fearless watching Jacksons example.

It's so fun to watch their personality differences and yet to watch them play happily together too. Sam wants to be and do whatever Jackson is. He's started playing with what I consider "older" kid toys just because that's what Jackson is doing. He builds towers with duplos but jackson didn't even get them for christmas until he was 3. Sam is much more interested in sports and the rougher side of boyhood. Jackson basks in the attention of others. He is very strong-willed and sees things as black and white. It's fun to see him get more adventuresome though as he gets older. He's noticing sports and competition more. He's always had a lot of girl friends in the ward and I'm beginning to see differences with some of them in playtime. He'll agree to play house but not choose it then want to switch to chase, or pirates, or building. Sam does much better than Jackson did alone. He'll entertain himself and he's much more passive. ahhh.... motherhood

Alabama

we went to alabama last week and got to stay til monday. One of my favorite things to do with my family on a sunday night is walk the quad. i feel like in the length of the walk you get a chance to rotate through who you're talking to and I just really enjoy it. Most of the time we have to leave too early though and we miss it. On our way back there are some fountains outside of the Ferg that evidently my dad always walks through when its hot outside. Jackson wanted to walk through with him which was fun for him. When we got back to the car, of course he was soaked and didn't want to get his car seat wet. I told him to strip down to his underwear and ride home like that. Jackson told me he couldn't do that because Sam would see his underwear. "Jackson, you take baths with Sam." "Oh yeah" he said.

If I don't just start typing right now I will never remember

my brain is fuzzy. this summer has been fun and slow. yet for some reason I haven't been able to blog. on this blog or the other. so here it goes. just some things rambling around.

i have lost count of the number of times Jackson has said "to infinity and beyond" and then I hear a fall/jump/yell.

whenever i say "ok family let's get in the car" sam starts his fastest waddle that he can manage in that direction.

i've been so emotional this pregnancy. mad. sad. mad. sad. tired. then sad again.

this past week when i put the boys to bed, after prayer, sam will crawl up into jacksons bed, lay his head on the pillow, pull his blankets up and ask me with his eyes if he can sleep in jacksons bed. it is so hard to resist. one night i let him try, convinced that he would get down in less than one minute. i waited and waited and waited and after hearing no evidence i peeked and there he was, still laying in bed. Probably 15 minutes later jackson told me sam had gotten down (no doubt because Jackson had gotten down). So when I went upstairs to put sam in his crib, he knew his crime and was trying to crawl back in bed to lay down.

sam is talking--sort of. Its the kind of talking that only parents can understand its hard to really call it talking. the first word he said was diaper but it was more like "i-uh" other words he'll say are dog, daddy, mommy, jackson, milk, grandma, blanket, shoe, hi and ducky.

jackson loves numbers. i think at least. he likes to pick two numbers and ask me to tell me what they add up to equal. this week as he was eating cereal he put the chocolate pieces together and the peanut butter pieces together (yeah, we eat real healthy cereal around here). Then he said "I know how many 4 plus 2 is" and counted all of the pieces.

Remember this natalie

Important:

Never tell jackson to do anything.

Also, note to self: figure out how to get him to do what you want without telling him what to do. I really want to either help him get over this while he's young or train myself to help him in a more effective way. When I tried to teach him how to swim this summer he was totally doing better at the beginning than he is now after 5 or 6 days of swimming. The more I push, the more he resists. At the beginning of the summer after a few attempts he would put his face in the water, push away from the wall, breathe, put his face back in the water and keep swimming til he got to me. I got too pushy. Today we just got back from the pool. It hasn't bee 2 weeks since he was doing the good swimming. He never got out of the baby pool. He told me 2 days ago that he never wanted to swim. Ok, swimming is a big deal but it's not the biggest deal. What about when we get to issues like grades, church activities, RELIGION. These are really big deals.

I mean you would think that your kids would automatically be better than you because you can teach them all the things you know and then they learn more than that. right? totally not the case.

How do I help a child experience life moment by moment for himself and dealing with the fact that he's not going to trust me to just tell him what's worth his effort and time?

maybe exposure?

im grateful for the holy ghost. i'm grateful for the peace he gives. sometimes in moments of stress i want to demand his presence. i get impatient and don't want to do things the slow way. The thing about it is, so often, it has to be done the slow way. prepare, invite, live cleanly, and listen. i feel like the Holy Ghost will take the world and put it in the proper perspective. i just re-read this blog and the spirit confirms truth to me of priorities and my place. i'm thankful that i have a space reserved for peace and enlightenment. sure it has its gross kids stories. but those still make me laugh and are treasures to me. oh that my soul will treasure the truth and leave the worlds treasures behind.

that is disgusting

this is totally gross. i shouldn't be writing it down. brent told me to.

so jackson and sam were in the bathtub. now that two are in there at the same time i'll kinda wander around the house doing chores if i can hear them. i heard jackson "moooomm, sam whine whine whine." i didn't know what he said but it sounded like a typical tattling remark. ok sweetie i'm coming. when i walked into the bathroom they were both sitting there looking at me. then i saw it. i can't believe i'm writing this. sam was holding two pretty solid poopoos in his hands like they were toys to be played with. OH MY GOSH!!!! i grabbed them and flushed them and he cried like i was jackson taking a ball from him. so gross.

you know what brent said??? "you should have taken a picture."

after browsing all of the beautiful mothers day blogs

i decided i wanted loads and loads of kids. i watched this video and thought wow, my kids must have siblings. they are like automatic friends forever. there to laugh with us, and at us. i want to have some girls. jackson has mentioned several times to me recently he already loves his sister. he just can't decide what to name her. i also think families of all boys look so fun. the moms seem tough but yet so feminine. then i see families of all girls and i think that looks fun too. i will admit though, i don't think brent could handle that. i mean he could because he can do anything but.... it would be a struggle. sometimes i think 2 is too much for me and maybe i'm gonna have a mental breakdown but right now. i'm ready for more. yearning for more. eager. heart pounding kind of ready. i see brent's siblings and of course my own memories with my family and i think one of the best gifts you can give a child is a sibling. best friends forever.

other random thoughts. so this month brent and i really struggled with the budget. it was blown in three categories: gas, miscellaneous, and groceries. now we are very careful people. brent had to go to chattanooga at the end of the month and needed supplies and food and of course to get there. you could justify it by saying these were unexpected and overall good that he went. we also fed the missionaries and family and friends. and jackson really needed shorts etc. when i mentioned it to brent this morning i mentioned that i hadn't paid our tithing yet because we didn't have brent's paystub. i don't feel guilty because of course we'll pay it when we get it but then brent said something i agree with. the lord won't bless us with more money for paying tithing (he could, its within his power) but he's more likely to bless us by guiding our decisions. he'll bless us with willpower at target when we're feeling tempted. it was one of those moments that the spirit confirmed the truth of this. i love brent. i'm grateful for the spiritual way he can teach.

Sam's mischief begins

Sam loves to knock down my dvds. He knocks them down constantly. so much that I won't pick them up immediately. This week he knocked a whole bunch down and I just ignored it for several days. I didn't pick them up until the missionaries were coming over on Wednesday night--like 45 minutes before they came. When they got here, the dvds were knocked down. ergh. silly baby.

Brent was getting Sam a cup of milk the other day and got frustrated that there was a full sippy cup of milk in the drawer with the empty cups. He starts calling for Jackson to get on to him. No sweetie. That's sam. He likes to put his cup of milk away with the other cups.

So yesterday I was really sick. fever. throwing up. sick. I was laying on the couch when I could hear sam crawling up the stairs. He does that a lot now when we leave the gate open. I followed him up the stairs just to make sure he didn't hurt himself then lay on the top step like a slug. Sam continued crawling to the bonus room playing with toys. Jackson doesn't like playing alone with toys. I love that Sam does. I'm sure it has something to do with pecking order. It was cute.

jacksons first kiss

at the age of 4. on the lips. i just wanted to record it. recipient: Hannah Kramer

just faking my way through

sometimes i feel like i'm just faking my way through life.

faking that my house is clean because i really just picked it up a few minutes ago

faking that i don't get mad because really its embarrassing even to me to hear how i talk sometimes to jackson

faking that im a good visiting teacher when i make appointments at the end of the month or when there is a less active sister that when she puts up the littlest wall i'm at a loss as to how to handle it but if i was good then i would be more in tune with the spirit

faking that i'm happy when i'm feeling gloomy--actually i don't think that is bad

faking that i'm sick/sad when really i'm just lazy

faking that i'm working hard at my calling when often i forget entirely whats going on

faking cool when really...well nobody buys that one but i'm still faking it

what i dont fake at though is loving my husband. i love him so much. he is my rock. he can pull me in both physically and emotionally and take hurt and worry away. he's kinda awesome. sometimes i get jealous of other girls when they laugh at his jokes because i think thats why he fell in love with me and how dare somebody else flirt with him when really all they're doing is laughing at his jokes.

thats me. just a fakin' fake faker.

but i'm just doing the best i can. fake it til you make it i guess.

old mcdonald

jackson sang: "and on that farm he had a rooster. e-i-e-i-o. with a cock a doo doo here and a cock a doo doo there."

Brent said...

So this morning I was feeling fine-ish. I was thinking about how guys have such a wandering tendency when it comes to girls, or I think so at least. The thought depressed me a little. Then I thought, did I trick Brent into marrying me or did he fall in love with me and want me. So I asked him.

Natalie: Did you fall in love with me or did I trick you.

Brent: [no hesitation] you tricked me.

N: [sinking a bit] so now you're thinking you're stuck with me and you got tricked.

B: [again--no hesitation] nope. i'm still tricked.

Now he said that without missing a beat and not even for my reaction b/c he was in the closet and wasn't even looking at me. I was floating. Brent isn't one to be mushy gushy in the slightest. He's not emotional or sappy. He's just honest. Which, unfortunately, sometimes can be brutal or devastating for me. But not today. It was the perfect thing to say. at the perfect time. in the perfect way. I love him. a. whole. lot. even if i did have to trick him to marry me.

jacksons thoughts on bodies

things jackson said recently.

my grand-daddy passed away and we were talking about going down to the funeral. he asked about grand-daddy's bones.

jackson: where are they?

mom: his body is on earth and his spirit is in heaven.

j: can i touch his bones?

m: ...[hesitantly]... sure. you can hold his hand if you want to.

j: [thoughtfully] ok. if you're looking for me i'll be in the dirt.

m: huh?

j: you know, digging up his bones.

another day i was getting jackson dressed and i must have touched his hands on accident or something because he responded with.

j: mom! don't hurt my hands. [and then he held them close to his chest like he was protecting them] they're very special to me. God made them.

if you want to be excited about spending time with your kids...go to blogs that have fun things to do with them. plan things in advance to do with them. if you wake up everyday with the attitude "ugh, i have another day to spend without brent and to deal with kids." they'll see it in your attitude, act up, then you both resent the day and the relationship. BE PROACTIVE!!

other story:

monday night our fhe was on lehi's dream. jackson has been way obsessed with the idea of wanting to get to that tree since then. last night in his prayer he said "bless us that we can get to the tree and thank you that the nephites can't get there."

sacrifice for the things i love. i love my religion, my family, my home, my friends, my community.--thats the phrase that came into my head as i worked on my mission statement. i brought peace and happiness and it got me off of the couch of my funk zone.

2011 Goals

Brent has tried to break me of making goals basically since we got married. I know that sounds horrible, but its out of love. He noticed that i make lots of goals for myself and then when i fail I get way down on myself. I tend to make a new goal almost weekly so I can't keep up with them all. I've really tried to fix this about myself. I want to improve. I feel like life is all about improving to the end (not just enduring to the end.) So I want to be realistic about my goals. simple. i feel like the fad right now for women is finding ways to simplify their life. i mean its said so much on blogs and whatnot that i feel cliche saying it but at the same time its true. i think simplicity can bring peace and happiness. so what are the most important goals for me to have? i was thinking today (after i yelled at jackson) that i feel like i'm replacing a testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ with a testimony of virtues, characteristics, or principles. (haha simplicity). My testimony of the church i feel like has dwindled as i've focused on other important principles. So I guess thats my start--work on my testimony of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. [eek i just yelled at Jackson again for getting in my space. i will cringe at this in the distant and not distant future] #2 I want to write a personal mission statement. we're working on a family one as well. I'm reading 7 habits of highly effective families right now and this is his 2nd habit. In this goal I can tackle the principles that really do need my attention. things like anger, procrastination (specifically with children), blame, selfishness, jealousy etc. #3 I really want to prepare now for our future. food storage, baby #3 as well as college tuition. I want to learn how to cook from food storage. cook on a tighter budget. I do feel like Brent and I have been always savers. We do it naturally. This year will be hard because we already have to buy a new van. the camry died after 10 years. :( It will be a big expense and so we'll have to recover all of those savings as well as contribute a substantial amount to hsa for baby #3, our roth ira's, jackson and sam's savings, and of course extra payments to mortgage. but more than just financial preparation for harder times, i want to prepare myself by learning new skills and habits. my body for pregnancy. my kitchen should be better stocked and my cooking should be cheaper.

1. Strengthen my testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

2. Write a personal mission statement.

3. Prepare every needful thing.

ok there's my three goals. It's probably a lot but classifying them into three things makes it less overwhelming. I'm not sure how i'll measure the first one, or even accomplish it but I think I should definitely pray/fast regarding it. I do know the Lord will let me know.

feeling guilty

because today i realized i want what everybody else has. i'm not content with the many many MANY things i have. the reason i really feel bad is that i'm not a poor person that has nothing. brent makes plenty to support our family. we have lots of nice nice things. a gorgeous house. so much. but i can't stop thinking of things i want. i feel greedy and selfish. how can i set a good goal to better myself? how can i make it measurable?