Wednesday, February 23, 2011

just faking my way through

sometimes i feel like i'm just faking my way through life.

faking that my house is clean because i really just picked it up a few minutes ago
faking that i don't get mad because really its embarrassing even to me to hear how i talk sometimes to jackson
faking that im a good visiting teacher when i make appointments at the end of the month or when there is a less active sister that when she puts up the littlest wall i'm at a loss as to how to handle it but if i was good then i would be more in tune with the spirit
faking that i'm happy when i'm feeling gloomy--actually i don't think that is bad
faking that i'm sick/sad when really i'm just lazy
faking that i'm working hard at my calling when often i forget entirely whats going on
faking cool when really...well nobody buys that one but i'm still faking it
what i dont fake at though is loving my husband. i love him so much. he is my rock. he can pull me in both physically and emotionally and take hurt and worry away. he's kinda awesome. sometimes i get jealous of other girls when they laugh at his jokes because i think thats why he fell in love with me and how dare somebody else flirt with him when really all they're doing is laughing at his jokes.
thats me. just a fakin' fake faker.
but i'm just doing the best i can. fake it til you make it i guess.

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