jacksons first kiss

at the age of 4. on the lips. i just wanted to record it. recipient: Hannah Kramer

just faking my way through

sometimes i feel like i'm just faking my way through life.

faking that my house is clean because i really just picked it up a few minutes ago

faking that i don't get mad because really its embarrassing even to me to hear how i talk sometimes to jackson

faking that im a good visiting teacher when i make appointments at the end of the month or when there is a less active sister that when she puts up the littlest wall i'm at a loss as to how to handle it but if i was good then i would be more in tune with the spirit

faking that i'm happy when i'm feeling gloomy--actually i don't think that is bad

faking that i'm sick/sad when really i'm just lazy

faking that i'm working hard at my calling when often i forget entirely whats going on

faking cool when really...well nobody buys that one but i'm still faking it

what i dont fake at though is loving my husband. i love him so much. he is my rock. he can pull me in both physically and emotionally and take hurt and worry away. he's kinda awesome. sometimes i get jealous of other girls when they laugh at his jokes because i think thats why he fell in love with me and how dare somebody else flirt with him when really all they're doing is laughing at his jokes.

thats me. just a fakin' fake faker.

but i'm just doing the best i can. fake it til you make it i guess.

old mcdonald

jackson sang: "and on that farm he had a rooster. e-i-e-i-o. with a cock a doo doo here and a cock a doo doo there."

Brent said...

So this morning I was feeling fine-ish. I was thinking about how guys have such a wandering tendency when it comes to girls, or I think so at least. The thought depressed me a little. Then I thought, did I trick Brent into marrying me or did he fall in love with me and want me. So I asked him.

Natalie: Did you fall in love with me or did I trick you.

Brent: [no hesitation] you tricked me.

N: [sinking a bit] so now you're thinking you're stuck with me and you got tricked.

B: [again--no hesitation] nope. i'm still tricked.

Now he said that without missing a beat and not even for my reaction b/c he was in the closet and wasn't even looking at me. I was floating. Brent isn't one to be mushy gushy in the slightest. He's not emotional or sappy. He's just honest. Which, unfortunately, sometimes can be brutal or devastating for me. But not today. It was the perfect thing to say. at the perfect time. in the perfect way. I love him. a. whole. lot. even if i did have to trick him to marry me.

jacksons thoughts on bodies

things jackson said recently.

my grand-daddy passed away and we were talking about going down to the funeral. he asked about grand-daddy's bones.

jackson: where are they?

mom: his body is on earth and his spirit is in heaven.

j: can i touch his bones?

m: ...[hesitantly]... sure. you can hold his hand if you want to.

j: [thoughtfully] ok. if you're looking for me i'll be in the dirt.

m: huh?

j: you know, digging up his bones.

another day i was getting jackson dressed and i must have touched his hands on accident or something because he responded with.

j: mom! don't hurt my hands. [and then he held them close to his chest like he was protecting them] they're very special to me. God made them.