2011 Goals

Brent has tried to break me of making goals basically since we got married. I know that sounds horrible, but its out of love. He noticed that i make lots of goals for myself and then when i fail I get way down on myself. I tend to make a new goal almost weekly so I can't keep up with them all. I've really tried to fix this about myself. I want to improve. I feel like life is all about improving to the end (not just enduring to the end.) So I want to be realistic about my goals. simple. i feel like the fad right now for women is finding ways to simplify their life. i mean its said so much on blogs and whatnot that i feel cliche saying it but at the same time its true. i think simplicity can bring peace and happiness. so what are the most important goals for me to have? i was thinking today (after i yelled at jackson) that i feel like i'm replacing a testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ with a testimony of virtues, characteristics, or principles. (haha simplicity). My testimony of the church i feel like has dwindled as i've focused on other important principles. So I guess thats my start--work on my testimony of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. [eek i just yelled at Jackson again for getting in my space. i will cringe at this in the distant and not distant future] #2 I want to write a personal mission statement. we're working on a family one as well. I'm reading 7 habits of highly effective families right now and this is his 2nd habit. In this goal I can tackle the principles that really do need my attention. things like anger, procrastination (specifically with children), blame, selfishness, jealousy etc. #3 I really want to prepare now for our future. food storage, baby #3 as well as college tuition. I want to learn how to cook from food storage. cook on a tighter budget. I do feel like Brent and I have been always savers. We do it naturally. This year will be hard because we already have to buy a new van. the camry died after 10 years. :( It will be a big expense and so we'll have to recover all of those savings as well as contribute a substantial amount to hsa for baby #3, our roth ira's, jackson and sam's savings, and of course extra payments to mortgage. but more than just financial preparation for harder times, i want to prepare myself by learning new skills and habits. my body for pregnancy. my kitchen should be better stocked and my cooking should be cheaper.

1. Strengthen my testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

2. Write a personal mission statement.

3. Prepare every needful thing.

ok there's my three goals. It's probably a lot but classifying them into three things makes it less overwhelming. I'm not sure how i'll measure the first one, or even accomplish it but I think I should definitely pray/fast regarding it. I do know the Lord will let me know.

feeling guilty

because today i realized i want what everybody else has. i'm not content with the many many MANY things i have. the reason i really feel bad is that i'm not a poor person that has nothing. brent makes plenty to support our family. we have lots of nice nice things. a gorgeous house. so much. but i can't stop thinking of things i want. i feel greedy and selfish. how can i set a good goal to better myself? how can i make it measurable?

confidence vs. bossiness

i think i sometimes mistake confidence for bossiness. I think I am a naturally passive person, and shy too. I think I thought that meant I didn't have confidence. It seemed to come to me out of nowhere that confidence isn't bossiness. it seems obvious probably. i think at times i would try to imitate confidence and it came off as bossy. I have decided that confidence isn't speaking your opinion a lot its trusting yourself. I can be totally confident and still be shy and passive.

Now I can finally be perfect!!

haha just kidding. but don't you think that its a lesson learned and worth recording?

prayers

Some of Jackson's recent prayers:

note: Jackson really thinks the Nephites are bad people.

Thank you for this day. Thank you for the Christmas season. Thank you for God and Jesus and Heavenly Father and that they can never be hurt by the Nephites.

Thank you that I can play with Scott, and Jesus.

His prayers are always full of lots of thank yous and he always says thank you that we can have fun as a family which is a constant reminder to me of how important that is for him.

oh and also, when he gets mad at me he scowls, points his finger at me and says "mommy you're a nephite!"

heaven

Freda Borden died this week. I was talking to Jackson about how when we die our body and spirit separate and our spirit goes to heaven to live with Jesus. He told me he didn't want to live there but he wanted to live on earth. i told him that we would all be a family in heaven and we'd be together forever. after thinking a second he asked the most important question a boy needs to know....what kind of food does Jesus have? does he have watermelon? i bet he has orange juice. that's the only kind of drink he needs.

the lord gave me a day off

Seriously. I woke up and Jackson was just wanting to fight. He was ranting about one thing and then another. As Brent was leaving I was in tears about how I just didn't want to do it today. I didn't want to spend a day trying to fend off a fight after fight. I begrudgingly went to the gym but then decided to sit and start the book of mormon on the couches before going to get the boys. (I hadn't started it yet for this year but i like to try to read it all the way through every year.) It was nice. I thought "I can handle today now." Then as we were pulling into the house Jackson asked to go to the neighbor's house to play and I just said fine. He was there for three hours and Teresa actually sent him home the same time i opened the garage to go get him for a quick grocery errand. In that time though I managed to clean my downstairs well enough for company and even sit and read the book of mormon a little more. I think it's fun to read it like a novel throughout the day instead of waiting for "scripture study" for 10 minutes when it suddenly feels more boring. Jackson was great the rest of the day. Missionaries came for dinner which I had never made before but I thought was delicious. Brent played basketball leaving me to play on the computer, watch tv, clean a little upstairs, and just relax. I just think the Lord heard my prayers. He thought "ok natalie, I'll give you this one, but I want you to recognize what i've done, act appreciatively, and show more love for your kids." so i'm trying to remember....thats what the book of mormon teaches.....to remember. I always mark that word in it. i love flipping through it and finding that word marked. it stands out as it should. so much of what we need to do on earth is remember....our covenants, our blessings, to keep the commandments, our promises, our ancestors, and Him.

The Peacegiver

This book (hopefully) will change my life. I loved it so much. While I almost never read church books I was persuaded to read this one by a friend who I don't think had any idea how perfect and important it was for me to read it. It's by James L. Ferrell. He wrote about different stories of the bible teach of christ in ways that I hadn't known or seen before. I would recommend it to everybody but especially anybody who has ever felt like their marriage or home or relationships are struggling. I must admit I am guilty of comparing myself to others--mostly Brent--and thinking I'm better than him. It taught about how our behavior isn't important but its most important what's in our hearts. Like for example, if two friends are fighting one may have been right at the beginning but when arguments grow from disagreements to painful, hurting, or cold relationships both are at fault because they allowed it to grow and didn't end the disagreement. Oh man I'm not doing it justice and i can feel it. That drives me crazy. It also talked about forgiveness. First that forgiveness is for the offended not the offendee. Also, b/c the savior took all of the world's sins on himself then that means he is claiming the sin as his own. When we refuse forgiveness it's like refusing forgiveness to the Lord--who is perfect and needs no forgiveness. Remembering this will help us forgive others. Also, another point I liked was the addictive nature of sin. Also when we blame others for our sins ("the woman thou gavest me... gave me of the fruit and i did eat", "if you yell again I'm gonna get mad") we feel like we're less to blame for our choices making us slower to repent. When we own up to what we do we feel fully our own inadequacies and want to improve and repent. Another point he made was about the innocence of children. They love those that hurt them. Their love is unconditional. As adults we put conditions on our love but their love is more as the savior's love. pure. undefiled. I can't say it all b/c I can't remember it all but I hope the more I write about it/talk about it the more I will remember it and allow it to change me. or just re-read it