jackson 5.5

i miss you jackson.  i mean ive had a lot of one on one time with viva and sam since you went to school but im just giddy when you get off the bus.  when i see you sorta fall down the too big for you steps i think "funny how jackson is pretending to be a big kid"  but you are.  you're so smart and independent.  somebody once told me that parenthood is from the beginning, constantly letting go a little more and i've definitely had some hard lessons in that since kindergarten started.  i feel myself fighting urges of being a super hovering parent.  i really dont know how i'm doing.  i get so excited to go through your backpack for clues about youthtr day.  how much lunch you ate, what color on the discipline chart you were.  what your special activity of the day was.  i even bribed you with candy to be able to tell me the names of other kids in your class just to prove that you really were going and to see if you were making friends.  you are.  i get the feeling that everybyody wants to be your friend.  kylie, my spy, told her mom that she didn't sit next to you because other kids wanted to sit next to you at lunch.  yay said a helicopter mom internally.  i have so much confidence in your reading.  you always try new words everywhere you see.  it started hn dad had you read the last bit of scriptures.  i thought he was crazy but as you tried out words that wre obviously too hard for you you learned that sounding it out could get you pretty far and close.  somewhere in there are also started sounding out with your writing.  today, you wrote a thank you note to your teacher.  well dictated.  but at the end you drew a picture.  i went to put eva to bed but when i came back next to the picture you had written "me en u hot air buloon."  kindergarten?  what!?  thats amazing.  another trait of yours that i'm thankful for is your fear of being late for school.  you have little problem waking up early and hurrying to the door in order to be on time.  you'll fearfully ask when we back out "are we late?"  you have lots of things in common with your dad (that im very thankful for) but that is not one of them.  i remind you of the time but i never feel like i'm nagging you to hurry.  phew.  thanks.  you are so inquisitive and thoughtful.  on the way to school you told me you were excited to go to college to learn about those poles under the bridge. what!?  those rides in the morning when its just the two of us are the best.  we talk.  we talk about how pretty the sky is.  you ask me about math questions.  i thought who does this until brent confessed that he did as a kid too.  you're slightly obsessed with the concept of a google and googleplex.  i laugh when you talk about it with adults who don't even know what it is.  one day at fort sanders kids were playing with a ball on a parachute.  mr. jeff asked why the ball went down in the middle.  i'm not sure what he was expecting but you certainly stunned him when your answer was gravity. ahhh... the things curious george has taught you.  you certainly won a few people over at fort sanders.  they all considered you a leader.  i had never thought of that but you certainly are.  you have a natural yet not bossy way of leading people.  one day we were playing at the park.  you often went to build a bridge in the ditch.  on this particular day we'd gone with friends and i look up to see you as the head engineer.  at one point all seven of the kids were carrying one giant limb over to the "bridge" area.  happily working.  you've been trying to earn money for a while.  i would say its now been one year of saving for disneyworld.  it has made me and dad so grateful to see you so committed and diligent towards a distant goal.  we have bragged and will for a long time.  its just so important to learn to work for things that don't have immediate results.  i love that you seem to have taught yourself that.  you're good at toeaching yourself.  you can be particularly stubborn about doing things your way.  you dont like being told how to do things.  when i got so mad at you last summer about not doing what i wanted you to do to learn how to swim i quit.  i said fine.  i'm done.  then you taught yourself how to swim.  its that courage to try for yourself that gives you confidence.  yeah, sometimes you fail and you need people.  but you want to prove it to yourself first that you need people before you just toss your hands in the air and ask for help.  ive also been super impressed with your dedication to practicing the piano this year.  i was dreading, DREADING, this year because i knew that there would be significantly more practice time.  i know how you react to being told how to do something.  i was afraid of a daily fight.  not only have you been willing to practice but you've been doing really good and getting better everyday.  i can't believe how fast you've learned new skills and seemed to really enjoy the process.  as hard as its been to let you go this year, i think kindergarten's challenges have made you a happier person.  you're getting time away from me which unfortunately for me is a good thing for you.  you've been so successful at making friends, listening to your teacher and following rules (you seem to earn a star every day), and being more patient.  your siblings are obsessed with you and see you as the prize at the end of their day.  last night as you said your prayer you said "im thankful that i have a great family" and i just wanted to yell how thankful we were for you.  thank you thank you thank you for being so forgiving, and kind.  grandma jan told me once that she was impressed with your kindness.  you enjoy making other people happy.  you try to please them and be everybodys friend.  i love you.