jackson 5.5

i miss you jackson.  i mean ive had a lot of one on one time with viva and sam since you went to school but im just giddy when you get off the bus.  when i see you sorta fall down the too big for you steps i think "funny how jackson is pretending to be a big kid"  but you are.  you're so smart and independent.  somebody once told me that parenthood is from the beginning, constantly letting go a little more and i've definitely had some hard lessons in that since kindergarten started.  i feel myself fighting urges of being a super hovering parent.  i really dont know how i'm doing.  i get so excited to go through your backpack for clues about youthtr day.  how much lunch you ate, what color on the discipline chart you were.  what your special activity of the day was.  i even bribed you with candy to be able to tell me the names of other kids in your class just to prove that you really were going and to see if you were making friends.  you are.  i get the feeling that everybyody wants to be your friend.  kylie, my spy, told her mom that she didn't sit next to you because other kids wanted to sit next to you at lunch.  yay said a helicopter mom internally.  i have so much confidence in your reading.  you always try new words everywhere you see.  it started hn dad had you read the last bit of scriptures.  i thought he was crazy but as you tried out words that wre obviously too hard for you you learned that sounding it out could get you pretty far and close.  somewhere in there are also started sounding out with your writing.  today, you wrote a thank you note to your teacher.  well dictated.  but at the end you drew a picture.  i went to put eva to bed but when i came back next to the picture you had written "me en u hot air buloon."  kindergarten?  what!?  thats amazing.  another trait of yours that i'm thankful for is your fear of being late for school.  you have little problem waking up early and hurrying to the door in order to be on time.  you'll fearfully ask when we back out "are we late?"  you have lots of things in common with your dad (that im very thankful for) but that is not one of them.  i remind you of the time but i never feel like i'm nagging you to hurry.  phew.  thanks.  you are so inquisitive and thoughtful.  on the way to school you told me you were excited to go to college to learn about those poles under the bridge. what!?  those rides in the morning when its just the two of us are the best.  we talk.  we talk about how pretty the sky is.  you ask me about math questions.  i thought who does this until brent confessed that he did as a kid too.  you're slightly obsessed with the concept of a google and googleplex.  i laugh when you talk about it with adults who don't even know what it is.  one day at fort sanders kids were playing with a ball on a parachute.  mr. jeff asked why the ball went down in the middle.  i'm not sure what he was expecting but you certainly stunned him when your answer was gravity. ahhh... the things curious george has taught you.  you certainly won a few people over at fort sanders.  they all considered you a leader.  i had never thought of that but you certainly are.  you have a natural yet not bossy way of leading people.  one day we were playing at the park.  you often went to build a bridge in the ditch.  on this particular day we'd gone with friends and i look up to see you as the head engineer.  at one point all seven of the kids were carrying one giant limb over to the "bridge" area.  happily working.  you've been trying to earn money for a while.  i would say its now been one year of saving for disneyworld.  it has made me and dad so grateful to see you so committed and diligent towards a distant goal.  we have bragged and will for a long time.  its just so important to learn to work for things that don't have immediate results.  i love that you seem to have taught yourself that.  you're good at toeaching yourself.  you can be particularly stubborn about doing things your way.  you dont like being told how to do things.  when i got so mad at you last summer about not doing what i wanted you to do to learn how to swim i quit.  i said fine.  i'm done.  then you taught yourself how to swim.  its that courage to try for yourself that gives you confidence.  yeah, sometimes you fail and you need people.  but you want to prove it to yourself first that you need people before you just toss your hands in the air and ask for help.  ive also been super impressed with your dedication to practicing the piano this year.  i was dreading, DREADING, this year because i knew that there would be significantly more practice time.  i know how you react to being told how to do something.  i was afraid of a daily fight.  not only have you been willing to practice but you've been doing really good and getting better everyday.  i can't believe how fast you've learned new skills and seemed to really enjoy the process.  as hard as its been to let you go this year, i think kindergarten's challenges have made you a happier person.  you're getting time away from me which unfortunately for me is a good thing for you.  you've been so successful at making friends, listening to your teacher and following rules (you seem to earn a star every day), and being more patient.  your siblings are obsessed with you and see you as the prize at the end of their day.  last night as you said your prayer you said "im thankful that i have a great family" and i just wanted to yell how thankful we were for you.  thank you thank you thank you for being so forgiving, and kind.  grandma jan told me once that she was impressed with your kindness.  you enjoy making other people happy.  you try to please them and be everybodys friend.  i love you.

Eva .5

Eva.  Although i've told people over the past week we've had an estranged relationship. thats not true now.  true, you've been waking up more at night.  crying louder.  even longer.  but how can you be mad at somebody so beautiful!  today you just laughed and were so perfect all previous resentments faded.  you watched me bake cookies just chewing on a spoon.  funny.  you like spoons as long as they don't have baby food on them.  then you can't stand them.  i love holding you on my lap.  its so funny to see those adorably chunky legs be so flexible.  your favorite toy happens to also be your most accessible--your toes.  the way you laugh when you hold them cracks me up!  oh eva you laugh so hard too!  i love it when you get to giggling because we all can't contain ourselves.  daddy and jackson get you giggling the hardest.  poor jackson.  he always wants to hold you.  sometimes i feel like friends and neighbors hold you more than him though because i always seem to say "jackson you can hold her anytime but they're just visiting."  when i was pregnant i had a hard time getting excited about a girl but i tell you now i cant get enough pink.  not to make sure people call you a girl but just because prettiness suits you.  my favorite is putting you in the dresses rachel and i wore as babies.  while it took some courage and more than a few attempts, i now love putting your hair into a tiny pigtail with a tiny bow.  everyday i like getting you dressed.  even when its hand-me-down clothes you seem to make everything look better.  you are so funny.  when i lay you on your back you hold your head up as long as you can.  you finally fall but then try to sit up again.  its like your holding a crunch.  the boys always wanted to be lain down on their backs but you prefer your tummy.  you've starting pulling up on your knees and bouncing, lunging forward ever so slightly but steadily.  im a little bummed.  i love the crawling age but i also love the sitting stuck in one spot phase.  its funny.  you're close to crawling and yet you have never rolled from your back to your front.  you're like a beetle stuck on your back.  when you accidentally rolled to your back today sam came running down the hall saying "help viva rolled over!"  he could see your helplessness.  everybody loves how easy it is to get you to smile.  and when you smile back everybody feels better.  there is something about getting positive feedback from a baby that just makes you feel like a better person.  like if there is a true judge of character, its a baby, and she seems to think i'm ok.  i just love to think that my daughter can bring that kind of peace and assurance to others.  a self confidence and even awareness of God's love.  i certainly feel God's love around you.  He gave me YOU! he must LOVE me.  When i hold you sometimes you push your cheeks on mine and i can hardly move because i just dont want the moment to ever end.  i love you!.

Sam at 2.5

Oh Sam.  I just chopped your hair and i miss your long too cool locks.  You're suddenly so big.  so so big.  You want so much to be with/like Jackson.  its funny how many pictures i've taken and you're looking at hitm so you can do what he's doing.  When you're getting in trouble you're cheerful and agreeable.  When you're being playful you get this intense mean growling face with a pursed mouth and a throaty growl.  You roar when you're mad at somebody (just following the example Jackson set for you.)  You gravitate towards balls--like you did from the beginning.  Today, you begged me to throw the baseball to you to tryi to hit but i didn't do it because i was talking to a neighbor.  now i feel bad.  then you picked up jacksons beseball glove and tried to get me to throw to you.  i did a little but then you put the ball on the tee and tried to hit it and even tried to catch it with the glove--yes, still off of a tee.  I believe originating from your love of sports, you only want to wear 2 pair of athletic shorts--everyday.  I'll put you to bed for a nap in one outfit and almost daily you'll wake up in one of those two pair of shorts.  If you find them in the laundry pile you will immediately change into them.  I'm nervous about what will happen in the winter!  This morning it was 40 outside but you insisted on your shorts.  I won though and put you in jeans, jeans that kept falling off because you're 2.5 but 2T jeans are still too big.  skinny short boy.  i suppose it was my fault when you ran out of the house without pants today.  now that jackson is in school you miss him.  i feel sorry for you when you come in wearing your penguin backpack asking to go to school with jackson.  i want you to sleep in but when i come in to wake up jackson you jump out of bed.  "i wan sirul.  i wan shtawbewwy chotit milt"  you cute boy that cant say his "k" sounds but says them all with a t.  jatton. tootie.   we have had some good times though with a little bit of extra one on one time.  i like saying yes when you ask to go to the playground even though i know you'll want to swing the whole time.  friday, jackson was out of school and we decided to go to as many parks as we could in one day.  we went downtown and went first to the sunsphere and you're still talking about it.  so innocent.  one day when my answer is "we'll go back some day" it will sound like a no but when you're 2 that's a yes and you cheer and give an arm pump and an enthusiastic "yes! we goin to sunsphere some day!"  its different being a second child.  you're more territorial than jackson was.  when you have something and somebody tries to take it you stand your ground and will quite stubborn.  until you win.  and then you give it to them.  you really are loving.  when i leave to take jackson to school you run out the door saying bye mom!  love you!  love you!  tiss! hug!   you very affectionately call eva viva and we all love it.  now i call her viva as much as eva.  jackson refused to sleep without kiki but you have always been more flexible with gleeglee.  in fact, you're just more flexible all around.  you have your opinions but you'll go along with insistence.  you must say every prayer.  if somebody else prays.  it must be your turn next.  sacrament meeting is our time too.  we always sit together.  you play with my face, my jewelry, my hair.  we hug and play as quietly as possible but you always laugh too loud when we play rock-a-bye.  its probably my favorite part of church.  there are few things that make me as happy as bonding with you there.  you are so special.  happy. friendly, kind. goofy, funny, little, messy (you spilled the "shtawbewwy chotit milt" on the couch this week), helpful, excited. perfect.