jacksons first kiss

at the age of 4. on the lips. i just wanted to record it. recipient: Hannah Kramer

just faking my way through

sometimes i feel like i'm just faking my way through life.

faking that my house is clean because i really just picked it up a few minutes ago

faking that i don't get mad because really its embarrassing even to me to hear how i talk sometimes to jackson

faking that im a good visiting teacher when i make appointments at the end of the month or when there is a less active sister that when she puts up the littlest wall i'm at a loss as to how to handle it but if i was good then i would be more in tune with the spirit

faking that i'm happy when i'm feeling gloomy--actually i don't think that is bad

faking that i'm sick/sad when really i'm just lazy

faking that i'm working hard at my calling when often i forget entirely whats going on

faking cool when really...well nobody buys that one but i'm still faking it

what i dont fake at though is loving my husband. i love him so much. he is my rock. he can pull me in both physically and emotionally and take hurt and worry away. he's kinda awesome. sometimes i get jealous of other girls when they laugh at his jokes because i think thats why he fell in love with me and how dare somebody else flirt with him when really all they're doing is laughing at his jokes.

thats me. just a fakin' fake faker.

but i'm just doing the best i can. fake it til you make it i guess.

old mcdonald

jackson sang: "and on that farm he had a rooster. e-i-e-i-o. with a cock a doo doo here and a cock a doo doo there."

Brent said...

So this morning I was feeling fine-ish. I was thinking about how guys have such a wandering tendency when it comes to girls, or I think so at least. The thought depressed me a little. Then I thought, did I trick Brent into marrying me or did he fall in love with me and want me. So I asked him.

Natalie: Did you fall in love with me or did I trick you.

Brent: [no hesitation] you tricked me.

N: [sinking a bit] so now you're thinking you're stuck with me and you got tricked.

B: [again--no hesitation] nope. i'm still tricked.

Now he said that without missing a beat and not even for my reaction b/c he was in the closet and wasn't even looking at me. I was floating. Brent isn't one to be mushy gushy in the slightest. He's not emotional or sappy. He's just honest. Which, unfortunately, sometimes can be brutal or devastating for me. But not today. It was the perfect thing to say. at the perfect time. in the perfect way. I love him. a. whole. lot. even if i did have to trick him to marry me.

jacksons thoughts on bodies

things jackson said recently.

my grand-daddy passed away and we were talking about going down to the funeral. he asked about grand-daddy's bones.

jackson: where are they?

mom: his body is on earth and his spirit is in heaven.

j: can i touch his bones?

m: ...[hesitantly]... sure. you can hold his hand if you want to.

j: [thoughtfully] ok. if you're looking for me i'll be in the dirt.

m: huh?

j: you know, digging up his bones.

another day i was getting jackson dressed and i must have touched his hands on accident or something because he responded with.

j: mom! don't hurt my hands. [and then he held them close to his chest like he was protecting them] they're very special to me. God made them.

if you want to be excited about spending time with your kids...go to blogs that have fun things to do with them. plan things in advance to do with them. if you wake up everyday with the attitude "ugh, i have another day to spend without brent and to deal with kids." they'll see it in your attitude, act up, then you both resent the day and the relationship. BE PROACTIVE!!

other story:

monday night our fhe was on lehi's dream. jackson has been way obsessed with the idea of wanting to get to that tree since then. last night in his prayer he said "bless us that we can get to the tree and thank you that the nephites can't get there."

sacrifice for the things i love. i love my religion, my family, my home, my friends, my community.--thats the phrase that came into my head as i worked on my mission statement. i brought peace and happiness and it got me off of the couch of my funk zone.

2011 Goals

Brent has tried to break me of making goals basically since we got married. I know that sounds horrible, but its out of love. He noticed that i make lots of goals for myself and then when i fail I get way down on myself. I tend to make a new goal almost weekly so I can't keep up with them all. I've really tried to fix this about myself. I want to improve. I feel like life is all about improving to the end (not just enduring to the end.) So I want to be realistic about my goals. simple. i feel like the fad right now for women is finding ways to simplify their life. i mean its said so much on blogs and whatnot that i feel cliche saying it but at the same time its true. i think simplicity can bring peace and happiness. so what are the most important goals for me to have? i was thinking today (after i yelled at jackson) that i feel like i'm replacing a testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ with a testimony of virtues, characteristics, or principles. (haha simplicity). My testimony of the church i feel like has dwindled as i've focused on other important principles. So I guess thats my start--work on my testimony of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. [eek i just yelled at Jackson again for getting in my space. i will cringe at this in the distant and not distant future] #2 I want to write a personal mission statement. we're working on a family one as well. I'm reading 7 habits of highly effective families right now and this is his 2nd habit. In this goal I can tackle the principles that really do need my attention. things like anger, procrastination (specifically with children), blame, selfishness, jealousy etc. #3 I really want to prepare now for our future. food storage, baby #3 as well as college tuition. I want to learn how to cook from food storage. cook on a tighter budget. I do feel like Brent and I have been always savers. We do it naturally. This year will be hard because we already have to buy a new van. the camry died after 10 years. :( It will be a big expense and so we'll have to recover all of those savings as well as contribute a substantial amount to hsa for baby #3, our roth ira's, jackson and sam's savings, and of course extra payments to mortgage. but more than just financial preparation for harder times, i want to prepare myself by learning new skills and habits. my body for pregnancy. my kitchen should be better stocked and my cooking should be cheaper.

1. Strengthen my testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

2. Write a personal mission statement.

3. Prepare every needful thing.

ok there's my three goals. It's probably a lot but classifying them into three things makes it less overwhelming. I'm not sure how i'll measure the first one, or even accomplish it but I think I should definitely pray/fast regarding it. I do know the Lord will let me know.