i was guilt-ridden all day but yet i couldn't manage to break free of the cycle of anger. i said one honest prayer and it was that eva would stop crying and i could have a break. it took me all day even to get to that point (5:30). amazingly, she stopped and the boys played quiet enough for me to assume they'd gone outside or had seriously hurt themselves. even after this prayer was answered, i went right back to where i was the minute jackson asked me to play with him.
i dont know why.
i went on pinterest looking for some sort of inspiration to help me over the hump after the boys were in bed. it didn't help. then i went on lds.org and clicked on happiness in family life and was overcome by the feelings of love and the impact of spiritual teachings on my heart. i know these teachings to be true. i should study the family proclamation harder and seek counsel from scriptures. i know what i need to do now. i just need to implement it. pray early. seek for the spirit. when i'm frustrated, pray with the kids for help and patience and strength. i need to be calm.
