the lord gave me a day off

Seriously. I woke up and Jackson was just wanting to fight. He was ranting about one thing and then another. As Brent was leaving I was in tears about how I just didn't want to do it today. I didn't want to spend a day trying to fend off a fight after fight. I begrudgingly went to the gym but then decided to sit and start the book of mormon on the couches before going to get the boys. (I hadn't started it yet for this year but i like to try to read it all the way through every year.) It was nice. I thought "I can handle today now." Then as we were pulling into the house Jackson asked to go to the neighbor's house to play and I just said fine. He was there for three hours and Teresa actually sent him home the same time i opened the garage to go get him for a quick grocery errand. In that time though I managed to clean my downstairs well enough for company and even sit and read the book of mormon a little more. I think it's fun to read it like a novel throughout the day instead of waiting for "scripture study" for 10 minutes when it suddenly feels more boring. Jackson was great the rest of the day. Missionaries came for dinner which I had never made before but I thought was delicious. Brent played basketball leaving me to play on the computer, watch tv, clean a little upstairs, and just relax. I just think the Lord heard my prayers. He thought "ok natalie, I'll give you this one, but I want you to recognize what i've done, act appreciatively, and show more love for your kids." so i'm trying to remember....thats what the book of mormon teaches.....to remember. I always mark that word in it. i love flipping through it and finding that word marked. it stands out as it should. so much of what we need to do on earth is remember....our covenants, our blessings, to keep the commandments, our promises, our ancestors, and Him.

The Peacegiver

This book (hopefully) will change my life. I loved it so much. While I almost never read church books I was persuaded to read this one by a friend who I don't think had any idea how perfect and important it was for me to read it. It's by James L. Ferrell. He wrote about different stories of the bible teach of christ in ways that I hadn't known or seen before. I would recommend it to everybody but especially anybody who has ever felt like their marriage or home or relationships are struggling. I must admit I am guilty of comparing myself to others--mostly Brent--and thinking I'm better than him. It taught about how our behavior isn't important but its most important what's in our hearts. Like for example, if two friends are fighting one may have been right at the beginning but when arguments grow from disagreements to painful, hurting, or cold relationships both are at fault because they allowed it to grow and didn't end the disagreement. Oh man I'm not doing it justice and i can feel it. That drives me crazy. It also talked about forgiveness. First that forgiveness is for the offended not the offendee. Also, b/c the savior took all of the world's sins on himself then that means he is claiming the sin as his own. When we refuse forgiveness it's like refusing forgiveness to the Lord--who is perfect and needs no forgiveness. Remembering this will help us forgive others. Also, another point I liked was the addictive nature of sin. Also when we blame others for our sins ("the woman thou gavest me... gave me of the fruit and i did eat", "if you yell again I'm gonna get mad") we feel like we're less to blame for our choices making us slower to repent. When we own up to what we do we feel fully our own inadequacies and want to improve and repent. Another point he made was about the innocence of children. They love those that hurt them. Their love is unconditional. As adults we put conditions on our love but their love is more as the savior's love. pure. undefiled. I can't say it all b/c I can't remember it all but I hope the more I write about it/talk about it the more I will remember it and allow it to change me. or just re-read it